E-MAILS and "SLIME SYNDROME"
Updated: Sep 12, 2018
IMPORTANT for COACHES
LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR E-MAILS and "SLIME SYNDROME"
(Long post fyi! Read it because even if you don't think you have this syndrome, it's highly likely you do.)
In my last post I mentioned how I have read hundreds and hundreds of e-mails from professional coaches (male and female) to their prospective clients and current clients.
IT'S NOT PRETTY
In service to brevity I am going to be straight up with you.
If you are a professional coach and you have never had any review or coaching around your e-mail communications, the kind done with a fine tooth comb from a strong coach who's further down the path than you, you are doing yourself a profound disservice.
Because it's almost 100% certain you are dealing with (cue horror music) Coaching Slime Syndrome.
Thousands of coaches are unknowingly engaged in Coaching Slime Syndrome as I am writing this post.
WE WERE SLIMING!
At the beginning of Michelle Abend Bauman and my coaching careers, Steve Chandler reviewed almost every one of our e-mails. It was funny and often hilarious, the level of cluelessness we had about our communications - and it was definitely NOT pretty.
WHY? Why wasn't it pretty?
Because our e-mails were riddled with unconscious neediness, people pleasing, role reversal, and . . .perhaps "worst of all" our e-mails were about US - not the recipient.
And we didn't know it. One of us would send an e-mail to him and think to ourselves, "That one was pretty good!!!!"
Then we'd get his response.
We'd text each other and say, "Did you see what Steve said?? OMG did I mess that UP, how could I not have seen that?!!" We would double over with both horror and laughter when we'd receive our e-mails back from Steve with his coaching.
Seriously - Michelle and I each had A LOT of experience writing communications in our former professional lives (Michelle was a lawyer, and I was a university admissions director).
NO TRANSLATION—WE STILL SLIMED
Our former experience did NOT translate into the profession of coaching nearly as much as one might think.
Slowly, after many, many hilariously botched e-mails, we learned how to STOP sliming and spot the following slime behaviors in our communications to prospective clients:
Neediness (and desperation)
Putting the prospective client in the driver's seat (When do YOU want to meet? Tomorrow? Tomorrow night? During my grandmother's funeral? What works for you????)
Lack of service (Is this e-mail providing value, for real? Or just "checking in, touching base?)
Social self (Hi, how are you :-)??? Did you have a good 4th of July? Any bbq's? I hope you and your husband are loving the new season of Property Brothers - omg did you see that barn door!!!!)
About "US-ness" (Nothing about THEM, their lives, who they are )
Attachment AND righteousness (As in the e-mail is loaded with the energy and subtext of "you SHOULD meet with me/be my client/work with a coach/etc and something is obviously wrong with you if you don't")
AND - if you are a seasoned coach reading this and you have not had anyone review your e-mail in a while, or perhaps you haven't had a coach look at your e-mail through the lens of service, leadership, and strength, there's a high likelihood your e-mails could be BETTER (less slimey).
Better e-mails lead to more people saying YES to sitting with you. They also lead to more people wanting to work with you - because the prospective client doesn't feel the unconscious "slime" of your attachment, or "social-self-itis", or the overall smell of selling vs. serving. . . .
E-MAILS will be PART OF THE CFJ COACHING SUCCESS SCHOOL CURRICULUM
We will be digging into this. There will be time dedicated to becoming much more effective at SEEING when we are in these blind spots, missing the opportunity to serve through our communications.
You will have the opportunity to bring in a set of your e-mails for review - and receive real, on-the-ground feedback about how you are communicating - what's working and what's not.
There will be time for demonstrations where we SHOW examples of e-mails that communicate ease, service, leadership and curiosity without attachment to "getting a client."
6 LIVE MEETINGS
That's why this school has 6 live meetings over the course of 6 months, each one of them 2.5 days (plus calls in between the classes). There are areas we need to slow down and take a deep dive into, and that simply can't happen in a day or two.
COACHES COME INCREASE YOUR E-MAIL EFFECTIVENESS (and say goodbye to sliming potential clients!)
I say this with great love for you and this profession. I don't even have to see your e-mails to know that unless you have worked closely with a strong coach who knows HOW to look at your communications through this lens, sliming is happening. It's not intentional, and you are doing it. Because until you learn, you slime. Amber Krzys slimed. Devon Bandison slimed. Stephen McGhee slimed.
Even the Godfather of Coaching Steve Chandler slimed.
STOP SLIMING NOW!
Join us - we are going to have FUN doing this, we are going to learn, and we are going to grow in our ability to serve with excellence, clarity, and authenticity.
DON'T KEEP SPREADING THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE!
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